Humans make lists for everything. There’s the grocery list, to-do list, bucket list, Christmas wish list, and the granddaddy of all lists – New Year’s resolutions.
The Boss and her friend were talking about their New Year’s resolutions the other day. I rolled my eyes as I munched on a CANIDAE Snap-Bits treat. As I helped myself to another one, I thought about what would be on my list. Even a dog can bark out resolutions!
Let me think. What could a sweet, innocent, quiet and obedient doggy resolve to do? I suppose I could try harder to control my herding instincts, but it’s so much fun. Do you have any idea how challenging it is to herd cats and humans? My favorite part is the stare down, and the racing around; oh, and the barking – I really love the barking part. I keep practicing my moves, just in case the Boss finds some sheep to rescue, and to stay in shape. I’ll have to think about this one some more.
I know I’m not supposed to bark at night when I’m outside ’cause it might wake up the entire neighborhood, anyway that’s what the Boss keeps saying. But darn it…when a cat or possum or deer is traipsing through MY yard – it’s my duty to send out the alarm. It would go against the “Doggy Code” (an ancient pact canines have followed for centuries) to allow any critters to pass by without me giving them a piece of my mind and letting them know I mean business. So if the Boss thinks I’m going to make a resolution to go against the Code, she’s bonkers.
I suppose I could try to do less growling when I stare out into the darkness. Except it’s kinda fun to freak out the Boss. She always says after turning on her flashlight, “I don’t see anything.” That’s because I scared the critter away when I growled. That is the purpose, after all, of an intimidating growl.
Now that I’ve brought up the barking issue, why is it all the other dogs on the block get to bark when something is happening during the day, and I can’t? And what’s with the drill sergeant stare when I ignore the Boss? Use my inside voice, she says. I can’t do that when I’m outside, for crying out loud. Oh, alright, I’ll put it on the stupid list. I resolve to not bark just because another dog is yapping. That resolution will bite the dust before the day is done.
When a dog on that TV thingy barks, I will try not to answer him. Nor attack the box, or race to the front door, or chase the cats, or knock things over as I run around the room. OK, so I get a bit excited at times. Is that a crime? What does getting your britches all in a bundle mean?
It’s not my fault humans have poor hearing, but when the Boss complains in the middle of the night because I bark at what she says are imaginary sounds, I’ll give her a break. After all, she’s still half asleep, which apparently makes humans really hard of hearing.
It’s been pointed out to me that the couch is my friend, and I should treat it with respect. Like, no pulling the seat cushions down on the floor, or using it like an agility obstacle to race over, especially when the Boss is using it. So I’ll try, but there’s no guarantee on that one.
There is one New Year’s resolution I will keep forever. The Boss tells me all the time what a good girl I am, and that I’m a work in progress. She makes me and my siblings feel special and loved. So I’ll protect her, and keep giving kisses, high fives and snuggles, and let her take pictures of me in my shades (which makes me look cool) because she’s my mom. I knew the day she rescued me that everything would be alright.
Happy New Year to all! What resolutions did you make?
Top photo by Faith Goble
Bottom photo by smerikal
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