I was sitting in front of the fireplace in my hound’s tooth smoking jacket the other evening, enjoying a salty dog cocktail.
The book I was reading had already been read so many times that the pages were all dog-eared. Rather than continue drinking and possibly then require some hair of the dog, I picked up a copy of the Las Vegas Canine Enspirer to see if there were any movies I might be interested in seeing.
It suddenly occurred to me that with the passing of both Mr. Siskel and Mr. Ebert, movie fans were on their own. No longer was there anyone suggesting or catiquing films.
Outside it was raining cats and dogs, and I really didn’t feel like venturing out. I thought, why not pass the time by coming up with a list of good movies for dogs. I could call it “Bruin Picks the Flicks.”
I just wanted to let all my friends out there know that, so far, my on-line dating adventure has not scored for me. I did have an offer to appear on The Bachelor TV show though, and wanted to share my experience. For those who don’t mind sitting in the hair and makeup room at 5:00 a.m., it might be just right for you. As I’ve previously mentioned, hygiene is very important to me and I expect good grooming in others but even more so in myself. Would you believe that they wanted to powder my snout and rough up my ridge to give me what they considered a more fashionable punk style?
There were six lovely lady dogs on stage from which I was to choose. They didn’t give us much time to converse, so I had to decide based on grooming, breeding and which one gave more rise to my hackles. Ultimately, I flipped a coin to decide if it would be head or tail. The producers were somewhat perturbed when I bounded out of script and gave the lady I selected a CANIDAE dog treat instead of the usual corny, thorny rose. She very graciously and not so genteelly jumped up and grabbed for it immediately. Who knows, maybe this time I would get lucky! We made arrangements to meet and have dinner the following evening at a very fine establishment.
Since the place was somewhat formal, I arrived dressed in a top hat and, of course, my tail(s). The barking lot was full so I had to use the valet for my Range Rover but I wanted to get there early to have an opportunity to discuss whether red or white “whine” would go best with our CANIDAE and Chateaubriand. The sommelier patted me on the head and said he would take care of everything.
A few moments later, Poochilla Presley walked into the restaurant and all heads turned as her lovely nostrils flared seeking me out. There she was wearing a beautiful fur coat. Relax now…her fur was a fake. Yes, I said Presley, a distant member of the litter that produced the singer of my favorite song “You Ain’t Nothing But a Hounddog.” As we sat gazing longingly into each other’s eyes, they started to play “Puppy Love” and she suggested we dance. I had to beg off though, explaining that I was sorry but I had four left feet.
Thanks to CANIDAE natural pet food, I’m well on my way to achieving my weight loss goal. I still have at least 10 more pounds to lose until I do justice to my speedo, but I have been thinking about entering the dating scene. Since I’m currently unemployed, not attending classes, don’t spend much time in religious facilities (rules, rules, rules, everybody has their rules) and don’t like hanging out at bars, I thought perhaps on-line dating might be the answer.
I’m really not interested in the stud service sites since I have a three-date rule (see what I mean about everybody having rules – I guess I’m just as guilty). Since I haven’t been successful in finding a suitable site, I was thinking I might have to start one on my own.
Although I’m over 21 (in dog years), theoretically I should be able to do as I please. My mom and dad tell me that as long as I live in their house I have to follow their rules (ack, there it is again – rules). I think their concern is that I’ll open myself up to meeting all kinds of bitches.
Right now I spend most of my free time lying by the pool and working on my tan. Since I have no lions to hunt, just the occasional kitty cat, I do enjoy the excitement (NOT!) of bird watching. The kitty cats actually have the audacity to use “my place” as their litter box. Believe me, my dad is not a happy camper when it’s clean-up time.
Speaking of those annoying little rascals, I was thinking of naming my dating site, the CAT’S’ MEOW. I’m a little concerned about the name, because I wouldn’t want to attract the wrong types. While we’re on the subject of type, I want you to know that I have very simple tastes.
The personal opinions and/or use of trade, firm, corporation or brand names, in this blog is for the information and convenience of the reader. Such use does not constitute an official endorsement or approval by CANIDAE® Natural Pet Food Company of any product or service to the exclusion of others that may be suitable. All opinions in this blog are those of the individual authors and not necessarily of CANIDAE® Natural Pet Food Company.