Category Archives: funny pets

6 Jobs Cats Would Fail Famously

cat jobs bnilsenBy Rocky Williams, feline guest blogger

Awhile back in 10 Purrfect Jobs for Cats, I discussed careers that would suit a feline’s nature. Because every job seeker – cats included – must be aware of their shortcomings as well as their strengths, I decided to explore a few careers that felines would fail famously. I should add a disclaimer though: some of these job fails might only apply to me, i.e. all cats might not be as unemployable as yours truly.

Laundry Folder

Imagine the scene: a huge pile of a freshly laundered clothes and towels is laid out on a table, ready to be neatly folded and put away. What would any cat do? We’d climb right to the top of that pile and proceed to catnap for hours, that’s what!

Butler or Maid

We cats do not wait on people. Ever! Can you imagine? Even if we had opposable thumbs and could admirably perform the duties of a butler or a maid, I don’t know a single feline who would. Our view of the world is that we are the ones to be waited on hand and paw by the humans, and this has worked quite well for us for eons. What fool would ever challenge that?

Supermodelcat

When my human aims her camera at me, I turn my head. I can’t help it! Catching sight of the flashy beast triggers some sort of reflex, as though I’ll be turned to stone if I actually look straight at it. So the major reason by human never shares photos of me here or on her Facebook page is that 99% of them are of the back of my head. A profile photo of me is a stroke of luck, and a full on, look at the camera pose is as rare as an albino alligator (look it up!)

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What Your Cat is Really Thinking

By Rocky Williams, feline guest blogger

It should come as no surprise to even the most intellectually challenged human among you that what you believe your cat thinks versus what your cat is really thinking, is never the same thing. Never! We are different species after all; we just don’t have the ability to think alike. Some would argue that cats don’t think at all, but none of those types would ever be reading a pet blog, so they don’t count. Besides, anyone with eyes can see the wheels turning in their cat’s brain, which is surely proof that we are capable of deep thoughts. Right?

For the sake of argument, let’s all agree that cats do think, although I admit it’s not always profound. Sometimes it’s more along the lines of “show me the cat food!” thinking, especially for a self-professed foodie feline like me. Nine times out of ten, I’m thinking of food. When will I eat again? What flavor will I get today? How stinky will the stinky goodness be? If I meow incessantly, will she give me more CANIDAE treats? But I digress.

Cats also act according to our own feline view of the world, which is not the same as the human one. And yet, my own human constantly surprises me with her inability to get that simple concept. She’s convinced that I rub up against her leg out of some deep-seated desire to show her my undying love. Ha ha meow! I only do that to make sure she never leaves the house looking like a person who does not have a cat, which IMO is the saddest human of all!

I put my paws together to come up with some other scenarios to illustrate the difference between what a human is thinking and what a cat is thinking.

When the Human is Eating

Human: “Kitty, I just fed you. Why must you always try to steal my food when I am eating?”
Cat: “Why must you wave that tantalizing piece of chicken in front of my face? How am I supposed to grab it off your fork if you won’t hold it still for me?”

When the Human is in the Bathroom

Human: “Trust me kitty…there is nothing for you to see in here. Please stop scratching at the door to get in.”
Cat: “Human? Are you OK in there? Human? Oh no! I must save her! If she drowns, who will feed me?”

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Five Funny Things People Do with Their Dogs

fBy Laurie Darroch

A dog is not a human no matter how much we dog lovers try to give them human qualities or read human qualities into their interactions with us. People who love their dogs like family often do things that an outsider might find humorous or even downright silly. The fact is, we humans can be just as funny in our interactions with our dogs as they are with us.

Conversations

Our dogs are our companions. It is a normal thing to want to talk to them. Although dogs pick up on cues, voice inflection, and body language, and they do understand the association with particular words, they really do not have the language comprehension we give often them credit for.

I know I am often guilty of this odd behavior as I chatter on to my dog, Neela. When she sits in front of me with her head tilted as if she is trying her hardest to understand what I am saying to her, or she seems to be searching for a familiar word association that she can grasp, it is comical. The confused head tilt is very endearing to me.

I tell my dog about everything going on in my life. I also carry on deep one-sided discussions about life or daily events, and I even read my writing to her at times. She is probably thinking something like “Did she say the word treat in all that nonsensical chatter?” or “Are we going on a walk yet?”

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Dear Cat: (Things Your Human Needs You to Know)

dear cat cloudzillaBy Julia Williams

Last week my cat, Rocky, shared his “Dear Human” list with you. Since I am the sole two legged servant for this cheeky feline, one can reasonably assume I was the human he was addressing. Although amusing, Rocky’s anecdotes weren’t really what you’d call “fact based reporting.” To be clear, he made most of that stuff up. That cat does seem to like telling tall tales (tails?). I, on the other hand, have a journalism degree and so I have a code of ethics to uphold. No fables from me!

Right.

So…just as felines obviously have lots of things they want their human (aka the Butler) to know, we Cat People have things we need our furry companions to know. Here are a few.

Dear Cat: I have a very dependable alarm clock. If I need to get up at 5 a.m., the clock will let me know. I do NOT need your help. I don’t need you to lick my face, jump on my stomach, pull my hair, scratch the carpet, whine incessantly, or knock things off the dresser in an attempt to rouse me. When it’s time for your CANIDAE breakfast, you’ll be the first to know.

Dear Cat: Please stop swishing your big fluffy tail in my Caramel Macchiato coffee drink. I happen to like the taste of the caramel foam FAR more than I like cleaning it off the wall after you flick it there with your tail. I know you’re just trying to help me diet, but come on… the caramel foam is off limits!

Dear Cat: I appreciate that you want to help me with my housework by licking all the dirty dishes in the sink. I really do. But – and this is a BIG but – you leave a slimy residue on them, which pretty much defeats the purpose.
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Dear Human: (Things Your Cat Wants You to Know)

By Rocky Williams, Feline Guest Blogger

Hello! It’s your favorite feline scribe, here to spill the secrets of cats. Well, perhaps not all cats but one in particular – a handsome black mancat that just might be looking at you in the photo to your left. Why yes, that’s me. Aren’t I the best looking furry beast you’ve ever seen?

Oops. I’ve gotten off track already and I haven’t even begun. Today I’m going to discuss some of the things I want my human, aka “Warden,” to know. It might help you understand what your own cat wants you to know, but there’s no guarantee because like snowflakes, no two felines are ever alike. We’re individuals, baby!

Onward. Recently I overheard the Warden telling her friend about this book she was reading. The main character, Brianna, supposedly had psychic abilities; she could “hear” animals talking to her. A friend’s cat was desperately trying to get Brianna to tell his owner he didn’t like his food and wanted something different. Brianna wasn’t comfortable revealing her Dr. Dolittle ability, so she said nothing, but for days she could still hear the cat talking to her and begging her to help him.

I had to laugh, for several reasons. One, it upset the Warden that Brianna didn’t help the distraught cat. I was like, “Warden, it’s a novel! The cat isn’t real.” LOL. Two, every cat knows that when we don’t like our food, our human will be told. They won’t need to be psychic either, because we cats don’t pussyfoot around when it comes to getting the stinky goodness we love (my purrsonal favorites are the CANIDAE grain free Pure recipes).

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Best Pet Memes on the Internet

Meme_1-1By Langley Cornwell

One of my favorite guilty pleasures is looking at pet memes on various social media platforms. Inevitably, when I see a clever meme I think about how funny pets are and how creative some people can be. So I thought, let’s turn this guilty pleasure/time-wasting vortex into an article. That way, at least for today, I won’t feel bad about indulging.

Let’s begin with a definition.

Meme: The word is a derivation of the Greek word mimem which means “to imitate” or “imitated thing.” It was coined by Richard Dawkins, an evolutionary biologist from the UK, as a way to describe cultural ideas and phenomena that reproduce and spread. The creation and proliferation of memes is enhanced by the internet, and the ease in which you can share them.

With the advent of cellphone cameras, taking photos of your pets has never been easier. Most people I know have a photo roll full of adorable pet pictures. To create a meme, you just place a border around a cute or funny photo, write a caption and post it to a social media site.

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