Category Archives: funny pets

Funny Sayings from Comedic Pets

By Julia Williams

The advent of the internet has given dogs and cats a voice like never before. True, talking animals have been around for a very long time in literature. However, it was oft said that no good writer would ever stoop to such low levels.

Nowadays, you can’t be an animal lover and spend time on Facebook without seeing dozens of witty quips every day, made by the animals themselves of course. The lack of opposable thumbs for typing appears not to be a hindrance for these clever pets who are always coming up with funny quotes to amuse their fans.

I must confess that when I read their humorous status updates, I never think “Haha, Fluffy’s owner is so hilarious.” No, in fact I don’t think about the human at the keyboard at all. Ever! And gauging by the thousands of fans I see interacting with animals on Facebook every day, I am not alone.

Vive la animals! Here are some of the things they’ve said lately that made me laugh:

“Every morning my human shaves off all of his face fur. He’s funny like that.” ~ Tuck the Cat, Shelter Pet Project ad

“Every snack you make, every meal you bake, every bite you take. I’ll be watching you.” ~ anonymous dog

“Sometimes it’s better not to ask why the cats do the things they do.” ~ Phaedra and Phriends

“Did anyone ever stop to consider that maybe it’s boxes that like cats?” ~ Henri, le Chat Noir

“Day 2 of my diet and I’m doing some wishful shrinking. The trouble is, I can resist everything except temptation!” ~ Uggie the Artist

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The Exasperating Things Dogs Do

By Langley Cornwell

If you’ve ever lived with a dog, you probably have at least one funny story to tell about the dog doing something “wrong” (according to human rules). On popular social networking sites, I bet I read one or two status updates per day about funny pet antics. There’s even an entire website devoted to sharing crazy things dogs do, called Dog Shaming. One of the things that make the Dog Shaming site so funny is the photographs, but just hearing the stories is entertaining enough.

Prompted by the popularity of Dog Shaming, I asked a group of friends to share the most exasperating thing their dog has ever done. The response was tremendous. Here is a sampling of their stories:  

Starr talks about Brandy, their first Golden Retriever. Her husband Joe patiently taught the dog to retrieve his newspaper from the yard each morning. The family was proud of their dog, and loved showing everyone just how smart she was. When Brandy retrieved the newspaper she always got a lot of praise and her favorite CANIDAE treat. Everything was fine until Starr and her husband decided their lives were too busy to read the paper each day, so they canceled their subscription. The thing is, nobody told Brandy. Ever faithful to her one and only job, the dog would go around the neighborhood collecting newspapers to bring to Joe in trade for her treat and the affection and praise. Joe had to go door-to-door every morning, trying to find out who each paper belonged to!

Amanda says that when her dog Honey Bear was younger, she would take out her frustration or anger towards the family by stealing their dirty socks out of the hamper. She would then proceed to carefully chew the top of the socks and pull out each strand of elastic. She wouldn’t touch any other part of the sock, but she would work until all of the elastic was pulled out. After Honey Bear was done, their socks never stayed up.

Frankie’s dog seems to like an audience. One time the Chocolate Lab entertained their guests by urinating on the Christmas tree in the middle of a party. Another time, the same dog decided that a neighborhood get-together/cookout was a good time to make puppies with their other lab.

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What Makes Your Pet Unique?

By Linda Cole

What I love about Facebook is seeing friends talk about their pets. The other day, I read a post from someone laughing about her dog racing around the house chasing a fly. Since that’s one of Keikei’s go-to activities when she can’t find anything else to do while the cats are all asleep, it made me stop and think about the things my pets have done over the years that make them unique and special.

Keikei loves to learn and will do anything for her CANIDAE Tidnips treats. She watches me like a hawk and plops her bottom down before I can get some treats out. There’s a little quirk she has that makes me smile every time I see her doing it. When she sleeps, she has to have her back legs leaning up against a wall, unless she’s sleeping on the couch. It’s almost as if she’s bracing herself and she goes through a ritual to get her feet placed just right against the wall.

Buddy was a kitty who always sat and watched me mop the dining room floor. When I was finished, he’d go to the far end of the living room, crouch down, stare at my clean floor, wiggle his behind, and then race full steam towards the dining room. He loved to slide across my freshly mopped floor and leave a ‘Buddy’ streak the entire length of the room.

My Siberian Husky Jake was usually very dignified and regal, except when he felt I needed a talking to, which was usually when I made him get out of my chair so I could sit down. Jake always planted himself right in front of me, looked me straight in the eye and gave me a series of stern woo, woo, woos (as only a Husky can do) to make it clear the chair was his and I was totally out of line by making him move.

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New Year’s Resolutions for Cats

Rocky

By Rocky Williams, Feline Guest Blogger

Lately I have been hearing my hoomin, aka the Warden, talk a lot about something called resolutions. From what I gather, these are things that people resolve to change or improve about themselves in the New Year. Now, being a cat I generally think I am purrfect as is, and need not change a thing. However, just for fun I decided to make some resolutions of my own. Who knows, it might even inspire other cats who feel they need to improve upon purrfection!

According to just about everybody you could ask, the most popular New Year’s Resolution is some version of the “eat right, exercise more” mandate. But that one is just not necessary for me because I already eat great, thanks to the Warden. If there’s one thing she knows well, it’s how to tell which cat food is the good kind, and if she’s sold on FELIDAE that’s all I need to know. However, I suppose I could use a little more exercise to keep my handsome mancat body in tippy top shape. But just a little, mind you. I don’t want to become so muscular that every ladycat in town is meowing at my door for a date. I don’t have the stamina for that!

Speaking of food though, there are umpteen resolutions I could attempt. Such as, I resolve not to wolf down my own portions at lightning speed in order to “help” Mickey and Annabelle finish theirs. This will inevitably free up a lot of the Warden’s time, since she has to stand guard until those two painstakingly slow eaters empty their bowls. Talk about torture!

I could also resolve not to steal food from the Warden’s plate when she’s trying to eat it herself. Generally speaking, the paw is faster than the hand, which gives new meaning to the term “grab-and-go.” I always come away with something, but it’s not always something I want to eat. Case in point: the “mustard incident.” In a kind of slow-motion horror movie, the Warden watched as I mulled over what to do with a paw covered in mustard, until I finally decided to just put it down on the couch. That will teach her to eat in the living room!

I could resolve not to eat the Warden’s bread in the middle of the night, but it’s not really necessary since she started using the microwave oven as a bread drawer. Foiled again, at least until I figure out how to open that thing! I could resolve not to dig in the garbage, but this one is also not necessary since the Warden installed baby-proof latches on the cabinet door where the can is kept. Oh, I know! I will resolve not to scare the Warden by trying to get the cabinet door open, which makes a nice loud bang-bang-bang noise in the middle of the night.

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Fun YouTube Videos with Dogs & Cats

By Julia Williams

When I’m writing, I like to take a break now and then because it recharges my batteries and allows me to keep working for longer periods than if I just wrote nonstop. I might go for a short walk, play with my cats or see what’s shakin’ on Facebook or Twitter. My favorite online “break room” though, is YouTube. Founded in 2005 by three ex-PayPal employees, YouTube has grown tremendously since then and now claims that 48 hours of new videos are uploaded to the site every minute. It’s also estimated that more than 2 billion videos are viewed every day. Isn’t that astounding?

Some of the most popular videos on YouTube feature dogs and cats. With approximately 75 million pet dogs and 94 million pet cats in the U.S. alone, it’s easy to see why. But did you know that the very first YouTube video posted featured an animal? It wasn’t a dog or cat, however – it was elephants. The “Me at the Zoo” video featured founder Jawed Karim in front of the elephants at the San Diego Zoo. There are so many dog and cat videos on YouTube that I could watch dozens every day and never come close to seeing them all. Here are just a few of my favorites:

Singing and Talking Dogs

Huskies are the paw’s down winner in the Singing Dogs category, because of their natural inclination to sing and howl. A singing Siberian Husky named Mishka has dozens of entertaining videos on YouTube, and “Mishka’s Song” is now also available on iTunes! Mishka has appeared on TV commercials and talk shows, including LIVE! with Kelly Rippa and Bette Midler. Mishka is also famous for her talking ability, and the video of her saying “I love you” is great. It kind of sounds like “I ruv roo” but still…

Ultimate Dog Tease” is a hilarious conversation between a guy and his dog about the different kinds of meat that’s in his fridge, and what he does with it that causes the dog to howl in dismay. Cute videos of dogs singing are in abundance on YouTube. One of my favorites is “Corgis Singing Happy Birthday,” which was supposedly made for the Queen Mum’s 100th birthday.

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How Pets See the World

By Julia Williams

I can’t tell you how often I’ve looked at one of my cats lounging around without a care in the world and thought longingly, “Oh Cat, if only I could trade places with you. How awesome that would be!” Our pets are so blissfully unaware of all the struggles we face just being human, not to mention making sure we are responsible pet owners. Pets don’t know a lick about mortgages, utility bills or credit card debt. They don’t ever have to shop for groceries, do the laundry, clean the house or cook a meal. For the lucky ones with doting owners, their whole life is about joy, love and contentment. They only really worry about two things: “Where should I take my next nap?” and “Is it time for me to eat yet?”

I admit, I’m quite jealous of my cats. I want to be the one who gets to sleep all day and have food magically appear in a bowl (although I don’t really want that bowl to be on the floor, thank you very much!). Life is infinitely simpler for our pets, and it just doesn’t seem fair. Why should my kitties get the cushy life while I slave over a hot computer, slinging words together just so I can buy them the meowvelous FELIDAE cat food they love? That settles it – in my next life, I want to be a feline!

So, while contemplating what it would be like to be a cat, I started to think about how our pets see the world around them. I tried to imagine what they might think or feel when they see us doing things that are commonplace to us, but oh-so-alien to them. I began to wonder…Is the life of a cat or dog as carefree as I imagine it to be? In actuality, there are some things that scare the bejeebies out of my cats. Such as:

1.  The vacuum, aka the “Suck Monster.” I don’t even have to turn this noisy thing on to give my cats a fright. The second they hear me getting it out, they run for their safe spot under the bed. Their little cat brains can’t comprehend the Suck Monster’s purpose, and I wonder if they think I turn it on just to terrorize them? Gosh, I hope not!

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