If I’d told someone ten years ago that cat authors would soon be all the rage, they’d have laughed me out of town. Back in those “dark ages,” felines just didn’t write books. I don’t think it was because cats didn’t have anything to say, though. I think the primary reason cats didn’t write books until recently was that they hadn’t realized they could command a human to do their transcribing!
Once felines got over the hurdle of not having opposable thumbs, cat books began popping up everywhere, and many have become bestsellers. The Dalai Lama’s cat covered a very important feline topic in The Art of Purring. Sparkle the Designer Cat offered sage advice for a feline’s most pressing problems in her two books. Felines explored the world of poetry in I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats. Psychokitty Max Thompson is a prolific feline author, with five books to date including The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats.
So you see, cats writing books is nothing new. However, I don’t think cats have even scratched the surface of all of the topics they’re qualified to write about. Here are just a few.
1. How to Fit Into Practically Anything
The postal service slogan “If it fits, it ships” inspired a hilarious cat version “If I fits, I sits” which the clever meme-makers had a field day with. So I thought since cats know a thing or two about fitting into the most unlikely places – including itty bitty fish bowls and boxes five times too small – they could write this informative guidebook in the style of the classic How to Clean Practically Anything.
Last week as I was engaging in my favorite stress reducing time waster (aka Facebook), I happened upon the funniest video of a cat trying to squeeze into a small, empty fish bowl. The cat tried for several minutes to get into that bowl, and I couldn’t stop watching. I was sure he was too big to fit in there, but it was entertaining to watch him try. Lo and behold, he got in! I can only imagine his owner’s face the first time they walked in and saw their cat in a tiny fish bowl.
The video reminded me of all the times I’ve found one of my cats in a funny place. I wish I could say I took a photo every time it happened to me. Alas, I have not. Nor have I saved any of the hilarious photos I’ve come across over the years. Luckily, whenever I want to laugh at the antics of cats, it’s easy to find videos and photos online. I am thankful that others are not so lax at capturing those impromptu silly things cats do.
My all-time favorite funny place I found my cat was in a large turkey roasting pan. It was a few days before Thanksgiving, and I’d gotten the roaster out of storage and set it on top of the dryer. When I walked into the laundry room and saw Annabelle curled up in there, fast asleep, I could not stop laughing! I also got a kick out of finding her hanging out with my collection of stuffed wolves. Likewise, seeing Rocky chilling out on top of my espresso maker is always good for a chuckle.
Like the ubiquitous box, it seems that vases, fruit bowls, baskets, suitcases and strange containers of all sizes are also cat magnets. Kittens have even been known to curl up in tiny teacups! I have the cutest photo of Annabelle at about 8 weeks old, fast asleep in my slipper. My cat Mickey likes to dig most of the dish towels out of the kitchen drawer and sleep in there; that always cracks me up.
As I’ve mentioned here before, cat owners and bloggers have their own little language. Actually, there’s nothing little about it, as it consists of hundreds of unique words and phrases, with more being added every week. You probably won’t hear any of them on the street, but Catspeak permeates the blogging world.
One subset of this language refers to the sleeping positions of cats, and these have in turn become popular with the cat meme makers. Just do a Google image search for Cat Loaf, Monorail Cat, or Contortionist Cat, and you’ll be rewarded with countless funny memes. Be forewarned, though – this activity is addicting and can easily eat up half your day. (Don’t ask me how I know this!).
Here are a few common cat sleeping positions.
Picture a big, fluffy loaf of bread, and you’ll have a good idea what this cat position looks like. A Cat Loaf is when a cat sits with all four feet tucked under her body, which forms a rectangular loaf shape. Judging by the number of memes and photos online, the Cat Loaf is one of the most prevalent feline positions.
Hello again! The Warden says it’s never a good sign when she sees me walking out of the kitchen licking my chops, and it’s nowhere near my meal time. Yep, that’s true. It means Bad Kitty did something…again.
I am incorrigible, especially when it comes to food. In my defense, I don’t think my devilish behavior is entirely my fault. The Warden knows who I am, yet she’s always giving me opportunities to be bad. Can I help it if I simply can’t resist the temptations she lays before me?
The Warden worries about what would happen to me if something happened to her. She doesn’t think another hoomin would ever put up with my Bad Kitty behavior. But I said, “Hey, sometimes my naughtiness makes you laugh!” She said that was because she was a crazy4cats lady and I reminded her that there was absolutely nuthin’ crazy about loving us cats, even naughty ones like me.
I kept a diary for a few weeks, to see if anyone besides the Warden would tolerate my Bad Kitty behavior. I would hate to be homeless if she kicked the bucket. And I DO have lots of other good qualities that would make up for it…right?
Day One: I “helped” the Warden make enchiladas today. In other words, I jumped up and grabbed a huge hunk of chick-hen right in front of her, before she even knew what happened.
Day Two: Warden put her pizza back in the oven to keep it safe from me while she ate her slices in the living room. BUT she left the oven door cracked, so naturally I opened it and then I crawled in the nice warm oven to eat the pizza. Yum!
Day Three: Remember those enchiladas? Warden left their foil covering on the counter, and it had bits of cheese stuck to it. So naturally, I shredded that foil to get every last cheese morsel.
Day Four: I tried to eat something called a bear claw but it was in a zippered plastic bag. I was trying to rip the bag when I was caught red pawed. Oh well; I’m not sure the claw of a mangy bear would taste good anyway.
Day Five: I knocked a box of pasta shells to the floor while I was strolling on the kitchen counter. The box opened and pasta went everywhere! Too bad I only like it cooked.
Day Six: I discovered that if I get on the espresso maker and then stand on my tippy toes I can open the cupboard and reach the high shelf where my CANIDAE treats are kept. So naturally I did. When the Warden saw me, I tried to pretend I was just making a Catpucchino.
Day Seven: The Warden was fixing herself a baked potato when the phone rang. She came back after chatting to discover that there wasn’t much left of the full stick of butter she’d left on the counter. (See what I mean about giving me opportunity?).
Day Eight: Oooh!! There was a homemade biscuit-egg thingy sitting in the microwave and the door wasn’t shut all the way. Half of me (the front half, naturally) was in the microwave polishing it off when I got caught.
Day Nine: A glass bowl on the counter had some food in it but I couldn’t tell what it was because there was plastic wrap on top. I was busy trying to get into the bowl when it crashed to the floor and broke, sending salsa mixed with glass flying everywhere.
Day Ten: The pet sitter wasn’t told about my Bad Kitty ways, so she put empty CANIDAE cans in the trash under the sink. I pulled them out to lick off the stinky goodness and I may have spread garbage all over the kitchen floor.
Day Eleven: I licked yogurt out of the Warden’s bowl when she turned her back to get fruit from the fridge. I got yogurt all over my face and my whiskers!
Day Twelve: Amazingly, this is the only Bad Kitty confession that isn’t food related. I bit the Warden on her behind when she stuck it in my face (well, she was trying to get into the shower, but still).
Day Thirteen: The Warden tried to eat a Creamsicle right in front of me. I attacked her until she let me lick the stick.
Day Fourteen: Warden asked me “Are you going to be a Good Kitty today?” Haha! I almost had a coronary laughing so hard.
So what do you think? Would you ever adopt a Bad Kitty like me?
It’s no secret that watching cat videos on the internet is a favorite pastime for many. Remember, this entertaining time waster is so popular nowadays that hordes of feline fanatics flock to internet cat video screenings across the U.S. to watch the videos together, on a big screen (cat attire optional). But thankfully, you don’t need vacation days or travel plans to watch funny cat videos from home on your own computer.
Since Facebook is a virtual water cooler for work-at-home people like me, I see my fair share of funny cat videos. OK, more than my fair share. There are worse ways to take a “comic relief” break from work, right? Plus, laughter is good for the soul. At least, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!
Here are some of my favorite, recently viewed YouTube videos of cats doing funny things. Enjoy!
I’ve never been to Minnesota, but I’ve wanted to go ever since the shopping mecca known as the Mall of America opened. Now I have another reason, a much more compelling one actually, to add this fine state to my travel bucket list – Minneapolis, MN is where the annual Internet Cat Video Festival takes place!
Yes, I heard you say that. This is likely what I also thought the first time I heard about the Internet Cat Video Festival, aka Catvidvest. Now I just say … what a great idea! That, and why didn’t someone think of this sooner? I mean, we all love to watch funny cat videos, right? What could be better than sharing the experience with thousands of other cat people?
Catvidvest is billed as an “offline celebration of online cat videos.” The live festival offers feline fanatics an opportunity to come together to watch a curated collection of cat clips in a social setting. In other words, the Internet Cat Video Festival provides people like me a much- desired way to “be among my people,” i.e., those who adore cats and aren’t afraid to tell it to the world.
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