Category Archives: funny things cats do

Book Review: Lessons in Stalking

lessons in stalkingBy Julia Williams

I have had the pleasure of a cat’s company for all of my life. Without giving away my age, let’s just say that this amounts to a very long time. Cats have been my BFFs ever since the cute yellow kitten my toddler self inexplicably wanted to name Blacky (sadly, I was outvoted). I think it’s safe to say I know a thing or two about cat behavior. Which means that whenever I start reading a new cat book, I can tell within the first few pages whether the author really “knows” cats, or not.

As it happens, sometimes people who have a cat decide to try writing some funny stories about the cat. The stories are indeed humorous, but they don’t really describe feline behavior. As you might imagine, I enjoy books about cats more when they’re portraying at least semi-realistic things the cats do … or might do, if given the chance.

When I began reading Lessons in Stalking: Adjusting to Life with Cats, it was obvious that the book’s author, Dena Harris, was a bona fide cat lady. Not everyone gets cats, but Dena Harris most definitely does. Moreover, she captured their feline quirks perfectly, and the stories – although slightly exaggerated for comic effect – were plausible. Events may not have happened exactly the way she described them…but they could have.

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Oh, the Things Cats Do to Embarrass Us!

cat embarrass chrisBy Julia Williams

I do not necessarily think cats stay up all night dreaming up ways they can embarrass us. Sometimes it seems like they do, though, given the number of awkward moments we endure thanks to our feline friends. However, since I have no actual proof, I can’t make such accusations.

Perhaps it’s coincidental that embarrassing things just seem to happen whenever there’s a cat present. Yeah, right. I just heard my cat snicker behind my back. Oh, but I think I read somewhere that surviving mortification builds character, so perhaps we should be grateful to our cats for helping us be better humans? Yes, I’m sure that’s what they intended all along. Ha!

Whether by accident – or not – every cat will at some point do that “grooming of the privates” thing in front of your guests. Since it’s usually in the middle of the living room, I have a hard time believing the cat’s indecent exposure is unplanned, no matter how nonchalant they try to look. And I’m pretty sure that aside from embarrassing us, they like showing off just how much more flexible they are than us.

Naturally, I have suffered my share of embarrassment at the paws of the cat. Anyone who has “scaredy cats” will relate to this story: whenever a stranger comes in the house, my cats make a terrified mad dash to their hiding spot in the bedroom, trampling anything or anyone in their way. Dude, chill! It’s just the furnace repairman, not the evil spawn of Satan.

When I was moving out of state, a former client came to look at my collection of large flower pots I wanted to sell. Keep in mind, we didn’t have a social relationship; I’d only interacted with her in a business setting. She asked to use my bathroom and when she emerged, she looked like she’d just witnessed something horrifying that would change her forever. “There’s some kind of dead critter in there,” she whispered. Uh oh! I look, whereupon I find half of a gopher, guts and all, in the middle of the floor.

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Oh, the Funny Things People Do for Their Pets!

By Julia Williams

Much has been written, here and elsewhere, about the funny things pets do. It stands to reason, since they always seem to be doing things that make us laugh. However, I haven’t seen much about the funny things people do for their pets. I have thought about it though, mostly because I wondered if I was alone in my quirkiness. As it turns out, I’m not the only one who does things for their pet that others – particularly the non-pet crowd – would find funny, odd, silly and/or kooky. How do I know this? I queried a group of my pet loving friends, and a few were even brave enough to tell me about some of the funny things they do for their pets! I’ll share their confessions with you, but first, some of mine:

When Annabelle is asleep on my computer chair, rather than move her I will sit on the very edge. No, it’s not the least bit comfortable sitting on an inch of chair, but Princess Annabelle doesn’t seem to notice my discomfort as she snoozes away. And if there’s a sleeping cat on my lap, I won’t move them for anything. If I should happen to become ravenously hungry or need to use the bathroom, woe is me…but the sleeping cat remains undisturbed until they decide to wake up.

Speaking of sleeping, with three cats occupying their favorite spots on my bed at night, I often find myself in Cirque Du Soleil-worthy contortionist positions because, well, they sleep where they want to sleep even if that leaves little room for me! If I need to get up in the night, I slide up slowly, inching my way toward the headboard until I can get up without disturbing the cat. That’s normal, right?

I forego vacuuming not because the carpet doesn’t need it, but because the loud noise of the “suck monster” scares the bejeebies out of my cats. I open cans of soup outside on the porch, but this is mostly for my benefit. I feel guilty when my cats come running at the sound of the can opener, because I know it’s not their FELIDAE and – persistent meowing notwithstanding – I have absolutely nothing for them. Of course, cats have supersonic hearing, so when I come inside with soup in hand I usually discover them waiting in the kitchen.

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The Bizarre Behaviors of Cats

By Julia Williams

Cats are such strange creatures. Not strange in a bad way, just prone to bizarre behavior that can leave you wondering what exactly is going on in that pretty little head of theirs.  I suppose there are cat critics who’d argue that nothing is going on in their heads and that’s why they act so peculiar. However, I’m convinced that cats know exactly why they do the things they do! And I think they might even do some things precisely because it keeps us guessing. I think they don’t want us to “figure them out” because being decoded would go against their feline nature, i.e., pretending to be independent and oblivious to us.

After decades of living with cats, I’ve concluded that it’s pointless to try to understand why they do such strange things. Most if not all of the funny things cats do will never be understood. Knowing the crafty feline mind like I do, I wouldn’t put it past them to pretend to be asleep when they’re actually lying there concocting yet another kooky behavior to confuse their gullible human.

A cat’s fascination with boxes is high on my list of the behaviors I find perplexing. What’s up with that? I saw a photo cartoon that had a bunch of boxes on a deserted road, and each box had a cat sitting in it. The caption said, “The cat traps are working.” Funny, but so true! I daresay there isn’t a cat alive that doesn’t love boxes. They sleep in them, play in them, slide through them (Maru!) and wedge themselves into the teensiest box like feline contortionists. Why? And how can that even be comfortable?

Moreover, why would they prefer sleeping in that hard box or on the cold floor instead of their cozy cat bed? Who sleeps on the floor, anyway? I was so excited when I got my cats a multi-level scratching post/cat condo with three places that looked (to my dumb eye) like great places to sleep. They took one look at this thing and bolted off to find their favorite box. It’s become a lovely piece of “corner art” now.

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A Cautionary Tale for Mischievous Kitties

By Rocky Williams

Rocky here, and today I want to share a cautionary tale for all of my feline friends. I shall call it, “Curiosity didn’t kill this cat, but meeeeoooow, my mouth is on FIRE!”

I am what you would call a “nosy” cat. I have to check everything out, and my rule of paw is, “everything in the house belongs to me!”

It’s a simple rule, really…if I find it, it’s mine and I can do whatever I want with it.  That probably explains why the Warden rarely leaves anything out on the kitchen counter, because I confiscate it immediately if it looks like something I might want to eat or play with.

Bag of chips? Mine, all mine! Crackers? Mine. Package of pasta? Mine (but only until I rip open the bag to find out this stuff tastes awful!). Pens and pencils? Mine. Roll of paper towels? Mine – and oh, what a fun toy this is! I bite and claw the roll until all of the paper is shredded and little pieces are everywhere! The only thing better than a roll of paper towels is a new roll of toilet paper placed on the holder for me to unravel square by square.

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What Pets Do to Amuse Themselves

By Linda Cole

Pets are quite creative in finding ways to entertain themselves when they’re home alone, and it’s not always something destructive. I had a cat who loved to unroll toilet paper, but it had to be a new roll before she would touch it. She didn’t just unroll it, she would take the loose end and wind it around chairs and table legs and she somehow always managed to unroll the entire roll without tearing it. I’d come home from work to find my dining room had been TP’d by my cat.

Pets do crazy things sometimes whether they’re home alone or not. I’ve had cats over the years that would while away the hours sitting in a window watching what the neighbors were up to. In fact, I would go so far as to say they were spying on the neighbors. I suppose to them that’s just as productive as when we sit in front of the TV staring at it for hours at a time. However, one cat took more of an interest than the others. She would cock her head back and forth as if she couldn’t believe what was going on outside her window. Anytime she heard a car door shut, voices outside or the mailbox lid flop down, she would race to her window to investigate. New Year’s Eve parties were really hard on her.

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