I’m sure you’ve heard that saying “A leopard can’t change his spots” that refers to humans who can’t change their nature. Well, the same is true for naughty house cats. Once a bad kitty, always a bad kitty; I’m living proof of that. In fact, my Warden says “Bad Kitty!” to me so often that sometimes I forget my real name is Rocky. I’m not ashamed though. I wear my naughtiness like a badge.
I don’t really try to be a bad kitty, it’s just who I am. Most of the time when I do bad things, I don’t even think about it. For instance, if I see some tasty looking morsel of food, I just grab it. Who has time to meow nicely to ask for it? And what if the answer was no? If I take it without asking, I get what I want! You can’t argue with that end result.
The only downside to being a bad kitty is that not every human would put up with me. At least that’s what the Warden keeps saying. She’s still worried something will happen to her and no one will adopt me. I think she’s just trying to scare me into being good, but I can’t change my spots, now can I?
I’ve been keeping a diary confessional. I’m thinking, maybe if I record all of my many bad kitty accomplishments, someone will give me an award. You, perhaps? Take a look:
Dear Diary: Today was awesome. It was dairy day! First, I found a glass of unattended milk on the counter and lapped it right up. Then the Warden put whipped cream on her latte and turned toward the fridge. When she turned back around and saw me, she burst out laughing. I was like, “What?” Apparently, a cat with a whipped cream mustache is funny.
Dear Diary: Today I was lounging on the Warden’s lap when I heard footsteps on the deck. I hightailed it for my safe spot and in the process, my nails left a long, deep gash on her leg. Oops. She was not amused. That will heal, right? Darn that UPS man!
Hello again! The Warden says it’s never a good sign when she sees me walking out of the kitchen licking my chops, and it’s nowhere near my meal time. Yep, that’s true. It means Bad Kitty did something…again.
I am incorrigible, especially when it comes to food. In my defense, I don’t think my devilish behavior is entirely my fault. The Warden knows who I am, yet she’s always giving me opportunities to be bad. Can I help it if I simply can’t resist the temptations she lays before me?
The Warden worries about what would happen to me if something happened to her. She doesn’t think another hoomin would ever put up with my Bad Kitty behavior. But I said, “Hey, sometimes my naughtiness makes you laugh!” She said that was because she was a crazy4cats lady and I reminded her that there was absolutely nuthin’ crazy about loving us cats, even naughty ones like me.
I kept a diary for a few weeks, to see if anyone besides the Warden would tolerate my Bad Kitty behavior. I would hate to be homeless if she kicked the bucket. And I DO have lots of other good qualities that would make up for it…right?
Day One: I “helped” the Warden make enchiladas today. In other words, I jumped up and grabbed a huge hunk of chick-hen right in front of her, before she even knew what happened.
Day Two: Warden put her pizza back in the oven to keep it safe from me while she ate her slices in the living room. BUT she left the oven door cracked, so naturally I opened it and then I crawled in the nice warm oven to eat the pizza. Yum!
Day Three: Remember those enchiladas? Warden left their foil covering on the counter, and it had bits of cheese stuck to it. So naturally, I shredded that foil to get every last cheese morsel.
Day Four: I tried to eat something called a bear claw but it was in a zippered plastic bag. I was trying to rip the bag when I was caught red pawed. Oh well; I’m not sure the claw of a mangy bear would taste good anyway.
Day Five: I knocked a box of pasta shells to the floor while I was strolling on the kitchen counter. The box opened and pasta went everywhere! Too bad I only like it cooked.
Day Six: I discovered that if I get on the espresso maker and then stand on my tippy toes I can open the cupboard and reach the high shelf where my CANIDAE treats are kept. So naturally I did. When the Warden saw me, I tried to pretend I was just making a Catpucchino.
Day Seven: The Warden was fixing herself a baked potato when the phone rang. She came back after chatting to discover that there wasn’t much left of the full stick of butter she’d left on the counter. (See what I mean about giving me opportunity?).
Day Eight: Oooh!! There was a homemade biscuit-egg thingy sitting in the microwave and the door wasn’t shut all the way. Half of me (the front half, naturally) was in the microwave polishing it off when I got caught.
Day Nine: A glass bowl on the counter had some food in it but I couldn’t tell what it was because there was plastic wrap on top. I was busy trying to get into the bowl when it crashed to the floor and broke, sending salsa mixed with glass flying everywhere.
Day Ten: The pet sitter wasn’t told about my Bad Kitty ways, so she put empty CANIDAE cans in the trash under the sink. I pulled them out to lick off the stinky goodness and I may have spread garbage all over the kitchen floor.
Day Eleven: I licked yogurt out of the Warden’s bowl when she turned her back to get fruit from the fridge. I got yogurt all over my face and my whiskers!
Day Twelve: Amazingly, this is the only Bad Kitty confession that isn’t food related. I bit the Warden on her behind when she stuck it in my face (well, she was trying to get into the shower, but still).
Day Thirteen: The Warden tried to eat a Creamsicle right in front of me. I attacked her until she let me lick the stick.
Day Fourteen: Warden asked me “Are you going to be a Good Kitty today?” Haha! I almost had a coronary laughing so hard.
So what do you think? Would you ever adopt a Bad Kitty like me?
That evil Warden of mine says when she looks in the dictionary under “Naughty Kitty” there is a photo of me. She also wants me to believe that under “Angel” there is a photo of Annabelle. Gag. Excuse me while I hack up a hairball and leave it where the Warden is sure to find it…with her bare feet!
I will admit that I probably am the naughtiest kitty on the planet. But I’ll bet you I have a lot more fun than my goody two shoes sister; wait, wouldn’t that be goody four-paws? Anyhoo, Annabelle is a good kitty and I am a naughty kitty. I DO know the difference, but I choose to be naughty because like I said, it makes life so much more interesting! What’s the point of being a feline if you can’t have a little fun?
Just in case there was any doubt as to what constitutes a good kitty versus a naughty kitty, I’ve put together a little primer.
The Good Kitty Versus the Naughty Kitty
A good kitty (Annabelle) doesn’t pay a lick of attention when the human is eating her food. A naughty kitty (me) gets their fluffy self in her face and tries to snag food from her plate right in front of her. My signature move is called the “grab and go” and I’m successful 9 times out of 10 because my paw is quicker than the hand.
A good kitty comes when called. A naughty kitty answers to none…unless there’s food involved, then we “pretend” to be obedient so we’ll get a snack. The Warden’s favorite trick to get a naughty kitty to come is to shake the tub of FELIDAE crunchies. Works like a charm!
A good kitty leaves all the pens, keys, note pads, remotes, and other miscellaneous stuff on the coffee table, right where the human put it. A naughty kitty pushes them all to the floor, then bats them around until they get lost under the furniture.
A good kitty barfs on the easy-to-clean linoleum or tile floor. A naughty kitty chooses to do the deed on the carpet or the human’s important work papers. Extra credit if your furball ruins some prized possession that “just happens” to be in the way.
The personal opinions and/or use of trade, firm, corporation or brand names, in this blog is for the information and convenience of the reader. Such use does not constitute an official endorsement or approval by CANIDAE® Natural Pet Food Company of any product or service to the exclusion of others that may be suitable. All opinions in this blog are those of the individual authors and not necessarily of CANIDAE® Natural Pet Food Company.