Category Archives: pet humor

10 Useful Ways We Serve Our Dog “Boss”

dog boss jespahjoyBy Laurie Darroch

From a dog’s point of view, a human’s “job” is to provide endless personal services to the canine members of the household. We seem to think we have them trained, but with a dog in the house you quickly realize they are in charge and we are just the servants who love and care for them. Their needs are our commands. If we do not do our various jobs properly, they will let us know. No complaints from us are allowed. We live to serve our dogs and do it with a smile.

Massage Therapist

Humans have two hands with ten fingers. That means we have multiple digits created just for scratching a favorite spot behind a dog’s ears, or a good spot on their back or stomach. A full massage is always nice too. If those hands are occupied with some mundane unnecessary task, we must immediately set that aside and perform our assigned duty of petty and scratching. The exception is if our hands are busy getting them their CANIDAE meals or treats. Then the lack of required petting and scratching is temporarily forgiven. They consider themselves reasonable bosses, after all.

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Bad Kitty Confessions: Is There Anything This Cat Won’t Do?

By Rocky Williams. Feline Guest Blogger

bad kitty davidI’m sure you’ve heard that saying “A leopard can’t change his spots” that refers to humans who can’t change their nature. Well, the same is true for naughty house cats. Once a bad kitty, always a bad kitty; I’m living proof of that. In fact, my Warden says “Bad Kitty!” to me so often that sometimes I forget my real name is Rocky. I’m not ashamed though. I wear my naughtiness like a badge.

I don’t really try to be a bad kitty, it’s just who I am. Most of the time when I do bad things, I don’t even think about it. For instance, if I see some tasty looking morsel of food, I just grab it. Who has time to meow nicely to ask for it? And what if the answer was no? If I take it without asking, I get what I want! You can’t argue with that end result.

The only downside to being a bad kitty is that not every human would put up with me. At least that’s what the Warden keeps saying. She’s still worried something will happen to her and no one will adopt me. I think she’s just trying to scare me into being good, but I can’t change my spots, now can I?

I’ve been keeping a diary confessional. I’m thinking, maybe if I record all of my many bad kitty accomplishments, someone will give me an award. You, perhaps? Take a look:

Dear Diary: Today was awesome. It was dairy day! First, I found a glass of unattended milk on the counter and lapped it right up. Then the Warden put whipped cream on her latte and turned toward the fridge. When she turned back around and saw me, she burst out laughing. I was like, “What?” Apparently, a cat with a whipped cream mustache is funny.

Dear Diary: Today I was lounging on the Warden’s lap when I heard footsteps on the deck. I hightailed it for my safe spot and in the process, my nails left a long, deep gash on her leg. Oops. She was not amused. That will heal, right? Darn that UPS man!

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5 Books That Cats Could Write

cat books lifeBy Julia Williams

If I’d told someone ten years ago that cat authors would soon be all the rage, they’d have laughed me out of town. Back in those “dark ages,” felines just didn’t write books. I don’t think it was because cats didn’t have anything to say, though. I think the primary reason cats didn’t write books until recently was that they hadn’t realized they could command a human to do their transcribing!

Once felines got over the hurdle of not having opposable thumbs, cat books began popping up everywhere, and many have become bestsellers. The Dalai Lama’s cat covered a very important feline topic in The Art of Purring. Sparkle the Designer Cat offered sage advice for a feline’s most pressing problems in her two books. Felines explored the world of poetry in I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats. Psychokitty Max Thompson is a prolific feline author, with five books to date including The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats.

So you see, cats writing books is nothing new. However, I don’t think cats have even scratched the surface of all of the topics they’re qualified to write about. Here are just a few.

1.  How to Fit Into Practically Anything

The postal service slogan “If it fits, it ships” inspired a hilarious cat version “If I fits, I sits” which the clever meme-makers had a field day with. So I thought since cats know a thing or two about fitting into the most unlikely places – including itty bitty fish bowls and boxes five times too small – they could write this informative guidebook in the style of the classic How to Clean Practically Anything.

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Hide and Sleep: Funny Places to Find a Cat

hide and sleep wylieBy Julia Williams

Last week as I was engaging in my favorite stress reducing time waster (aka Facebook), I happened upon the funniest video of a cat trying to squeeze into a small, empty fish bowl. The cat tried for several minutes to get into that bowl, and I couldn’t stop watching. I was sure he was too big to fit in there, but it was entertaining to watch him try. Lo and behold, he got in! I can only imagine his owner’s face the first time they walked in and saw their cat in a tiny fish bowl.

The video reminded me of all the times I’ve found one of my cats in a funny place. I wish I could say I took a photo every time it happened to me. Alas, I have not. Nor have I saved any of the hilarious photos I’ve come across over the years. Luckily, whenever I want to laugh at the antics of cats, it’s easy to find videos and photos online. I am thankful that others are not so lax at capturing those impromptu silly things cats do.

hide and sleep belleMy all-time favorite funny place I found my cat was in a large turkey roasting pan. It was a few days before Thanksgiving, and I’d gotten the roaster out of storage and set it on top of the dryer. When I walked into the laundry room and saw Annabelle curled up in there, fast asleep, I could not stop laughing! I also got a kick out of finding her hanging out with my collection of stuffed wolves. Likewise, seeing Rocky chilling out on top of my espresso maker is always good for a chuckle.

Like the ubiquitous box, it seems that vases, fruit bowls, baskets, suitcases and strange containers of all sizes are also cat magnets. Kittens have even been known to curl up in tiny teacups! I have the cutest photo of Annabelle at about 8 weeks old, fast asleep in my slipper. My cat Mickey likes to dig most of the dish towels out of the kitchen drawer and sleep in there; that always cracks me up.

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6 Jobs Cats Would Fail Famously

cat jobs bnilsenBy Rocky Williams, feline guest blogger

Awhile back in 10 Purrfect Jobs for Cats, I discussed careers that would suit a feline’s nature. Because every job seeker – cats included – must be aware of their shortcomings as well as their strengths, I decided to explore a few careers that felines would fail famously. I should add a disclaimer though: some of these job fails might only apply to me, i.e. all cats might not be as unemployable as yours truly.

Laundry Folder

Imagine the scene: a huge pile of a freshly laundered clothes and towels is laid out on a table, ready to be neatly folded and put away. What would any cat do? We’d climb right to the top of that pile and proceed to catnap for hours, that’s what!

Butler or Maid

We cats do not wait on people. Ever! Can you imagine? Even if we had opposable thumbs and could admirably perform the duties of a butler or a maid, I don’t know a single feline who would. Our view of the world is that we are the ones to be waited on hand and paw by the humans, and this has worked quite well for us for eons. What fool would ever challenge that?

Supermodelcat

When my human aims her camera at me, I turn my head. I can’t help it! Catching sight of the flashy beast triggers some sort of reflex, as though I’ll be turned to stone if I actually look straight at it. So the major reason by human never shares photos of me here or on her Facebook page is that 99% of them are of the back of my head. A profile photo of me is a stroke of luck, and a full on, look at the camera pose is as rare as an albino alligator (look it up!)

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Decoding the Sleeping Positions of Cats

By Julia Williams

As I’ve mentioned here before, cat owners and bloggers have their own little language. Actually, there’s nothing little about it, as it consists of hundreds of unique words and phrases, with more being added every week. You probably won’t hear any of them on the street, but Catspeak permeates the blogging world.

One subset of this language refers to the sleeping positions of cats, and these have in turn become popular with the cat meme makers. Just do a Google image search for Cat Loaf, Monorail Cat, or Contortionist Cat, and you’ll be rewarded with countless funny memes. Be forewarned, though – this activity is addicting and can easily eat up half your day. (Don’t ask me how I know this!).

Here are a few common cat sleeping positions.

Cat Loaf

Picture a big, fluffy loaf of bread, and you’ll have a good idea what this cat position looks like. A Cat Loaf is when a cat sits with all four feet tucked under her body, which forms a rectangular loaf shape. Judging by the number of memes and photos online, the Cat Loaf is one of the most prevalent feline positions.

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