Last week my cat, Rocky, shared his “Dear Human” list with you. Since I am the sole two legged servant for this cheeky feline, one can reasonably assume I was the human he was addressing. Although amusing, Rocky’s anecdotes weren’t really what you’d call “fact based reporting.” To be clear, he made most of that stuff up. That cat does seem to like telling tall tales (tails?). I, on the other hand, have a journalism degree and so I have a code of ethics to uphold. No fables from me!
So…just as felines obviously have lots of things they want their human (aka the Butler) to know, we Cat People have things we need our furry companions to know. Here are a few.
Dear Cat: I have a very dependable alarm clock. If I need to get up at 5 a.m., the clock will let me know. I do NOT need your help. I don’t need you to lick my face, jump on my stomach, pull my hair, scratch the carpet, whine incessantly, or knock things off the dresser in an attempt to rouse me. When it’s time for your CANIDAE breakfast, you’ll be the first to know.
Dear Cat: Please stop swishing your big fluffy tail in my Caramel Macchiato coffee drink. I happen to like the taste of the caramel foam FAR more than I like cleaning it off the wall after you flick it there with your tail. I know you’re just trying to help me diet, but come on… the caramel foam is off limits!
Dear Cat: I appreciate that you want to help me with my housework by licking all the dirty dishes in the sink. I really do. But – and this is a BIG but – you leave a slimy residue on them, which pretty much defeats the purpose.