Category Archives: pet humor

6 Jobs Cats Would Fail Famously

cat jobs bnilsenBy Rocky Williams, feline guest blogger

Awhile back in 10 Purrfect Jobs for Cats, I discussed careers that would suit a feline’s nature. Because every job seeker – cats included – must be aware of their shortcomings as well as their strengths, I decided to explore a few careers that felines would fail famously. I should add a disclaimer though: some of these job fails might only apply to me, i.e. all cats might not be as unemployable as yours truly.

Laundry Folder

Imagine the scene: a huge pile of a freshly laundered clothes and towels is laid out on a table, ready to be neatly folded and put away. What would any cat do? We’d climb right to the top of that pile and proceed to catnap for hours, that’s what!

Butler or Maid

We cats do not wait on people. Ever! Can you imagine? Even if we had opposable thumbs and could admirably perform the duties of a butler or a maid, I don’t know a single feline who would. Our view of the world is that we are the ones to be waited on hand and paw by the humans, and this has worked quite well for us for eons. What fool would ever challenge that?

Supermodelcat

When my human aims her camera at me, I turn my head. I can’t help it! Catching sight of the flashy beast triggers some sort of reflex, as though I’ll be turned to stone if I actually look straight at it. So the major reason by human never shares photos of me here or on her Facebook page is that 99% of them are of the back of my head. A profile photo of me is a stroke of luck, and a full on, look at the camera pose is as rare as an albino alligator (look it up!)

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Decoding the Sleeping Positions of Cats

By Julia Williams

As I’ve mentioned here before, cat owners and bloggers have their own little language. Actually, there’s nothing little about it, as it consists of hundreds of unique words and phrases, with more being added every week. You probably won’t hear any of them on the street, but Catspeak permeates the blogging world.

One subset of this language refers to the sleeping positions of cats, and these have in turn become popular with the cat meme makers. Just do a Google image search for Cat Loaf, Monorail Cat, or Contortionist Cat, and you’ll be rewarded with countless funny memes. Be forewarned, though – this activity is addicting and can easily eat up half your day. (Don’t ask me how I know this!).

Here are a few common cat sleeping positions.

Cat Loaf

Picture a big, fluffy loaf of bread, and you’ll have a good idea what this cat position looks like. A Cat Loaf is when a cat sits with all four feet tucked under her body, which forms a rectangular loaf shape. Judging by the number of memes and photos online, the Cat Loaf is one of the most prevalent feline positions.

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What Your Cat is Really Thinking

By Rocky Williams, feline guest blogger

It should come as no surprise to even the most intellectually challenged human among you that what you believe your cat thinks versus what your cat is really thinking, is never the same thing. Never! We are different species after all; we just don’t have the ability to think alike. Some would argue that cats don’t think at all, but none of those types would ever be reading a pet blog, so they don’t count. Besides, anyone with eyes can see the wheels turning in their cat’s brain, which is surely proof that we are capable of deep thoughts. Right?

For the sake of argument, let’s all agree that cats do think, although I admit it’s not always profound. Sometimes it’s more along the lines of “show me the cat food!” thinking, especially for a self-professed foodie feline like me. Nine times out of ten, I’m thinking of food. When will I eat again? What flavor will I get today? How stinky will the stinky goodness be? If I meow incessantly, will she give me more CANIDAE treats? But I digress.

Cats also act according to our own feline view of the world, which is not the same as the human one. And yet, my own human constantly surprises me with her inability to get that simple concept. She’s convinced that I rub up against her leg out of some deep-seated desire to show her my undying love. Ha ha meow! I only do that to make sure she never leaves the house looking like a person who does not have a cat, which IMO is the saddest human of all!

I put my paws together to come up with some other scenarios to illustrate the difference between what a human is thinking and what a cat is thinking.

When the Human is Eating

Human: “Kitty, I just fed you. Why must you always try to steal my food when I am eating?”
Cat: “Why must you wave that tantalizing piece of chicken in front of my face? How am I supposed to grab it off your fork if you won’t hold it still for me?”

When the Human is in the Bathroom

Human: “Trust me kitty…there is nothing for you to see in here. Please stop scratching at the door to get in.”
Cat: “Human? Are you OK in there? Human? Oh no! I must save her! If she drowns, who will feed me?”

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5 Reasons Why Cats Rule the Internet

By Julia Williams

“The internet is cat obsessed.” That’s what I’ve been reading, anyway. Is it true? Does cyberspace belong to cats? I have no idea, but forced to answer I’d say yes. Now, I’ll admit that as a “cat person” I might be biased. Nonetheless, many other people seem to believe that cats are more popular on the internet than dogs. It’s even been suggested that there are more cat pictures on the internet than there are selfies (but who actually suggested that remains a mystery).

Another unsubstantiated statistic is that 15% of the internet is cat-related content – pictures, videos, blogs, comments, memes, Facebook pages, etc. Having prowled my fair share of the internet, I’ve seen plenty of evidence that cat fever runs rampant on the web. I can think of dozens of Celebrity Kitties off the top of my head: Grumpy Cat, Henri le Chat Noir, Lil’ Bub, Cole & Marmalade, Klepto Kitty, Venus, Hamilton the Hipster Cat, Cooper the Photographer Cat, Nala, Streetcat Bob, Colonel Meow and Maru, to name a few. On the other hand, only a handful of famous internet dogs come to mind.

So for the sake of argument, let’s assume that cats do indeed rule the internet. The question then becomes, “But why?” I have done copious research on the topic (ahem…that’s a lie) and have come up with 5 theories on why cats are so popular on the internet. Just for fun, here they are:

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10 Purrfect Jobs for Cats

cat jobs katieBy Rocky Williams, feline guest blogger

I’ve heard that term “working dog” an awful lot in my 12 years. It seems you humans are highly impressed with dogs who have jobs. Moreover, those perpetually eager-to-please canines are apparently contributing to society and their “master’s” household in a multitude of ways. The same cannot be said of cats. We aim to please only one – ourselves – and we have no masters, only “staff.”

Still, I’m not convinced that those mangy canines are the only ones who can hold down a job. If I wanted to, I could quit catnapping all day and get a job. That’s a big IF, though. Historically, the term working cats is more of an oxymoron than a reality. But I don’t think it’s because cats aren’t perfectly capable of doing certain jobs. We just don’t see the point. I mean… the stinky goodness makes it into our food bowls whether we work or not. Why should we? Looking unbearably cute is “contribution” enough, am I right?

I said as much to my Warden, and she had the audacity to laugh! I pretended to be mad at her, but she’s my cat food supplier, so that didn’t last long. In the end, I thought purrhaps I could just pretend to look for a job and it might mollify her. So I put my paws together and came up with 10 jobs I’d excel at, IF I were so inclined to actually work (which I’m not).

Massage Therapist – Cats are a natural at kneading, and most of us do this on our human’s body already, no oil needed! Just get me a massage table, and I’m all set.

Household “Snoopervisor” – Whether the Warden is cooking, reading, writing, bathing or paying bills, I need to be right there, making sure she is doing it right.

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How to Tell if Your Pet is Irritated with You

pets irritated penny blankenshipBy Linda Cole

When my Siberian Husky Jake wanted to express his irritation, he’d turn his head away from me as if saying, “I can’t hear a word you’re saying.” Then he’d follow up with some Woo Woo Woo’s to make it clear he was unhappy. My cat Meryl was quick to bond with me when he was a kitten. As far as he was concerned, I belonged to him, and if I hurt his feelings, he made it clear he was irritated. He sat with his back to me and ignored me for an hour or so. That was apparently how long it took for him to forgive me. Dogs and cats aren’t vindictive, but they do have ways of showing us when they are irritated.

The Cold Shoulder – This is a sure sign you have a dog or cat with hurt feelings, and it’s not hard to picture your pet sitting like an irritated human with his front legs crossed while tapping one of his back paws in disgust waiting for an apology. You can almost hear the “Don’t talk to me.” It’s a good thing dogs and cats don’t have opposable thumbs. You might get the cold shoulder, but you won’t get a door slammed in your face.

The Stiff Paw and Head Turn Rejection – I take this action as the ultimate “I am so irritated and do not want to cuddle, hand out kisses, or even look at you right now” sign. This is when an upset dog or cat holds out a stiffened leg and blocks you with a paw to keep you from getting too close when you try to be affectionate. In addition to the stiff paw, he turns his head away from you and the message is loud and clear: you have an irritated furry friend. One of my dogs, Keikei, will also give me a kick with her back leg just in case I missed the other two signs.
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