Category Archives: Rocky Williams

Thanksgiving from a Cat’s Perspective

By Rocky Williams, feline guest blogger

Some people might say that cats aren’t thankful for anything, because felines are all haughty creatures who think they’re entitled to everything and don’t appreciate stuff. Pshaw, I say!! It’s true we cats do think the world is our oyster and humans were put here to do our bidding (they were, right?) but we also recognize that it doesn’t always work out that way.

For sure, every kitty deserves a warm home with a loving family, lots of yummy food and treats (CANIDAE for me!), endless hours of head scritchin’ and petting, plenty of toys and catnip, and a comfy place to snooze the day away. But just because every kitty deserves all of those things does not mean we all have them.  Just like there are less fortunate humans who don’t have some of the things that make for a safe and happy life, so too are there kitties without the things that make us purr with contentment.

So when you all sit down to your Thanksgiving feast tomorrow and go round the table expressing your gratitude for this and that, you should know that your kitty is doing the same thing. Now, to the untrained eye – i.e. every human – it may look like all we’re doing is sleeping, hiding under the bed or calculating the risk/reward of stealing a nice big hunk of your juicy turkey. But that’s just our façade. Our Outward Kitty, if you will. You see, we put on a pretense because we don’t need people thinking that felines have gone all soft on ya’ll. But the truth is, we have always been soft. And I’m not just talking about our fur.

Every kitty who has it good, definitely knows and appreciates this. Despite whatever vibes Outward Kitty might be giving out, make no mistake that Inward Kitty (our true self) is thankful to be inside where it’s warm and cozy. Inward Kitty is thankful there is at least one special person willing to go to great lengths to make sure he’s well fed and well loved every day of the year. Inward Kitty is thankful that he knows what it’s like to feel truly safe.

Inward Kitty understands that he is one of the lucky ones, and although he may at times take certain things for granted (such as that bite of turkey you’re going to slip him under the table when you think no one is looking) he knows he is very blessed to have found you and saved you from a dreary cat-less life.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

~Love and Kitty Licks,
Rocky

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A Cat’s Mother’s Day Letter to “Mom”

By Rocky Williams, feline guest blogger

Dear Mom,

I’ve heard people talking about a special day that was created to honor all Moms. What a great idea! But Momma, I’ve also heard that many human beans don’t think you should be honored on Mother’s Day because you “only” have cats which means “you’re not a real Mom.” Rubbish, I say!

When you rescued me and took me home, I was just a wee lad who fit into the palm of your hand. I don’t remember my other mother, but I do remember the loving care I got from you. Without your “mothering,” I daresay I wouldn’t have survived. You nurtured me and helped me grow into the beautiful cat I am today.

You’ve been my only mother for ten years, and you would never abandon me. Ever. And I know you’d move heaven and earth to make sure I am healthy and happy, for all of my life. Momma, isn’t that the heart and soul of what it means to be a mother?

There are so many things I love and appreciate about you, Momma. For starters, I love that you will sit on half a chair (or less) so as not to disturb me. Some beans would chase their kitty off the chair in order to sit in comfort, but that’s not how you roll! You let your legs fall asleep if I’m curled up on them, and you let me stay on your lap long after you really, really want – or need – to get up. (Sometimes I laugh when I see you frantically racing to your litterbox because, not wanting to disturb me, you’ve waited too long).

Momma, I know I am a lot naughtier than most felines, but I love that you never say “Why can’t you be like other cats?” You accept that being mischievous is who I am, and you don’t try to change me. It’s like that fable of the scorpion who convinces the frog to carry him across the river, promising not to sting him because then they’d both drown. But midway across, the scorpion does sting the frog, who cries “Why’d you sting me?” and the scorpion says “It’s my nature.” You know I can’t help being naughty any more than that scorpion could help stinging the frog, and it doesn’t make you love me any less.

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PURRfect Movies and TV Shows for Cats

By Rocky Williams, feline guest blogger

When a certain couch potato canine wrote recently of his preferred TV shows, I was naturally curious why he left out the ones we kitties enjoy. Well, more miffed really, because everyone knows cats do not like to be left out of anything. Ever! But my Warden said “Rocky, don’t get your fluffy tail in a twist. You can make your own list any time you feel like it.” Yes, but that involves work, something we cats avoid like the plague.

Ah well…I really needed a list of the movies and TV shows cats would dig, because I’m feeling all sloth-like lately, and what better way to be lazy than to watch TV all day? (They don’t call it the Boob Tube for nothing!) So I put paws to keyboard and came up with some cat-approved programs. When I ran out of my own ideas, I plagiarized other cats,  I mean, I asked my cat friends on Facebook for suggestions, and they were happy to share.

So kitties, send your Warden out for a big bag of those catabulous FELIDAE TidNips treats to munch on while you watch these shows, and you’ll be all set.

Animal Planet’s My Cat From Hell is a show every feline needs to watch. Just be sure to watch with your Warden, because I guarantee you that anything naughty YOU have ever done will pale in comparison to the Demon Katz on this show. Technically, these bad kitties are just misunderstood, and once they have their stupid hoomin trained, it all ends well. In any event, your Warden is bound to appreciate your angelic self after watching this show.

I like to watch The Little Mermaid movie, but for some reason it always makes me hungry. I think it’s because I can’t stop fantasizing about how many great seafood meals her ginormous tail would make. There would be enough stinky fishy goodness for every cat in town!

Finding Nemo is another obvious choice for seafood loving kitties. Alfred Hitchcock’s classic movie, The Birds, is also highly entertaining.

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The Naughty Kitty Chronicles

The Naughty Kitty

By Rocky Williams

That evil Warden of mine says when she looks in the dictionary under “Naughty Kitty” there is a photo of me. She also wants me to believe that under “Angel” there is a photo of Annabelle. Gag. Excuse me while I hack up a hairball and leave it where the Warden is sure to find it…with her bare feet!

I will admit that I probably am the naughtiest kitty on the planet. But I’ll bet you I have a lot more fun than my goody two shoes sister; wait, wouldn’t that be goody four-paws? Anyhoo, Annabelle is a good kitty and I am a naughty kitty. I DO know the difference, but I choose to be naughty because like I said, it makes life so much more interesting! What’s the point of being a feline if you can’t have a little fun?

Just in case there was any doubt as to what constitutes a good kitty versus a naughty kitty, I’ve put together a little primer.

The Good Kitty Versus the Naughty Kitty

A good kitty (Annabelle) doesn’t pay a lick of attention when the human is eating her food. A naughty kitty (me) gets their fluffy self in her face and tries to snag food from her plate right in front of her. My signature move is called the “grab and go” and I’m successful 9 times out of 10 because my paw is quicker than the hand.

A good kitty comes when called. A naughty kitty answers to none…unless there’s food involved, then we “pretend” to be obedient so we’ll get a snack. The Warden’s favorite trick to get a naughty kitty to come is to shake the tub of FELIDAE crunchies. Works like a charm!

A good kitty leaves all the pens, keys, note pads, remotes, and other miscellaneous stuff on the coffee table, right where the human put it. A naughty kitty pushes them all to the floor, then bats them around until they get lost under the furniture.

A good kitty barfs on the easy-to-clean linoleum or tile floor. A naughty kitty chooses to do the deed on the carpet or the human’s important work papers. Extra credit if your furball ruins some prized possession that “just happens” to be in the way.

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Why Do Cats Make Purrfect Pets?

By Rocky Williams

As a cat, I can’t think of anyone more qualified to extol the virtues of my kind. I do, after all, have firsthand knowledge of all the things that make me (and every kitty in the world!) the greatest pet anyone could ever want. Granted, some felines persist in making sure that old stereotype of the independent cat remains alive and well, which tarnishes their own “Purrfect Pet” medal just a bit. Even so, I still believe we win paws down when compared to other, shall we say, less purrfect pets. No need to get specific, I think you all know who I mean…woof!

Size Does Matter

One thing that makes us cats awesome pets is that we are small, which means that even if you live in a teeny tiny apartment, we’ll adapt. We don’t need a yard – we can get all the exercise we need just by shredding your couch! Throw in an ottoman and some catnip toys, and we’ll worship you for life. No wait, that’s what that “other” pet does. Cats worship only one … themselves.

Our small size also means we don’t need to eat mountains of food, which is easy on your budget and your back. You can even spring for the really good stuff – that would be FELIDAE cat food and TidNips treats, naturally– and you won’t keel over from sticker shock at the pet food store.

We’re Low Maintenance

Cats are lean, mean self cleaning machines. We take our bathing duties seriously, so don’t even think about taking over for us unless you want your arms to look like they just went through the wood chipper. Training a cat consists of showing us where you want us to sleep, so we’ll know to avoid that spot at all costs. Hey, leave your sweater on the bed and you’ll always be able to find us when you come home!

The Healing Power of Purr Therapy

The Warden says nothing gets her body back into balance quicker than a contented cat on her lap, purring away. Opinion aside, there have been actual research studies done which have shown that the health benefits of owning a purring pet are real and substantial. Supplement the purr with a little biscuit making (sans claws), and you’ll be healthier and happier than you ever could’ve imagined!

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If Cats Had Thumbs, Would They Conquer the World?

By Rocky Williams, feline guest blogger

Yesterday I was awakened from a catnap by a loud sound. Naturally curious about this cacophony that had so rudely interrupted my peaceful slumber – I went in search of it. I found the Warden sitting at her computer, cackling loud enough to wake the dead. She was watching a YouTube video of a commercial for Cravendale Milk which posed the question, “What if cats had thumbs?” The commercial features a polydactyl feline named Bertram, a social media ‘celebricat’ famous for plotting world domination with the help of his Facebook and Twitter minions. The ad also features the voice of Rocky Horror Picture Show star Tim Curry, who asks “Why do cats stare when you’re pouring milk?

Cats with opposable thumbs are shown bouncing a ball, filing their nails, doing needlepoint and reading a book. “Imagine that. Cats with thumbs. And what if they got together? Gangs of cats with thumbs! Organized crime, with one thing on their mind,” says the voiceover. The cat gang opens the door and stares at the man eating his cereal. Terrified, he grabs his carton of milk to make a run for it.

Yeah, okay…it was really funny, but I still wasn’t amused that the Warden interrupted my beauty sleep. It did, however, make me think about all the things I’d do if I had thumbs. Top of the list, of course, would be to end the rationing of my FELIDAE cat food. Yep. I would get that bag of kibble down from the cupboard straight away. Feeding frenzy for all! The TidNips treats would flow freely, too. But I wouldn’t stop there. I love all food, and if I had thumbs I would raid the fridge and pantry every day. The Warden uses her microwave oven as a bread drawer, to stop me from carbo loading in the dark of night…but if I had thumbs, the bread buffet would be open 24/7.

If I had thumbs, no more ‘indoor life’ for me! Out I would go, as I pleased, to snoopervise the neighborhood and visit that cute ladycat down the block. If I had thumbs, I would watch Animal Planet on the Telly all day long. And in the middle of the night, I’d give the Warden a fright – I’d crank up the volume so she wakes up thinking there’s an introoder in the house. Hee hee! No, tis’ only me, watching Jackson Galaxy whip unruly felines into shape on My Cat From Hell.

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