By Bruin, canine guest blogger
I just wanted to let all my friends out there know that, so far, my on-line dating adventure has not scored for me. I did have an offer to appear on The Bachelor TV show though, and wanted to share my experience. For those who don’t mind sitting in the hair and makeup room at 5:00 a.m., it might be just right for you. As I’ve previously mentioned, hygiene is very important to me and I expect good grooming in others but even more so in myself. Would you believe that they wanted to powder my snout and rough up my ridge to give me what they considered a more fashionable punk style?
There were six lovely lady dogs on stage from which I was to choose. They didn’t give us much time to converse, so I had to decide based on grooming, breeding and which one gave more rise to my hackles. Ultimately, I flipped a coin to decide if it would be head or tail. The producers were somewhat perturbed when I bounded out of script and gave the lady I selected a CANIDAE dog treat instead of the usual corny, thorny rose. She very graciously and not so genteelly jumped up and grabbed for it immediately. Who knows, maybe this time I would get lucky! We made arrangements to meet and have dinner the following evening at a very fine establishment.
Since the place was somewhat formal, I arrived dressed in a top hat and, of course, my tail(s). The barking lot was full so I had to use the valet for my Range Rover but I wanted to get there early to have an opportunity to discuss whether red or white “whine” would go best with our CANIDAE and Chateaubriand. The sommelier patted me on the head and said he would take care of everything.
A few moments later, Poochilla Presley walked into the restaurant and all heads turned as her lovely nostrils flared seeking me out. There she was wearing a beautiful fur coat. Relax now…her fur was a fake. Yes, I said Presley, a distant member of the litter that produced the singer of my favorite song “You Ain’t Nothing But a Hounddog.” As we sat gazing longingly into each other’s eyes, they started to play “Puppy Love” and she suggested we dance. I had to beg off though, explaining that I was sorry but I had four left feet.