9 Ways You Know Your Cat Owns You

September 12, 2018

By Julia Williams

There is perhaps no phrase more inaccurate than “cat owner.” The idea that we could own cats is hilarious! It’s preposterous! As any true cat lover will tell you, it’s most assuredly the other way around.

Yes, I admit it … I am owned by a cat (two, actually). I know this because I happily cater to their every whim, and although I might not necessarily be proud of that fact, I’m not ashamed either. I long ago gave up any notion of me as the one who calls the shots in my house. It’s the cats, it’s always been the cats, and it always will be the cats.

Here are 9 signs you are owned by your cat.

Yes, Your Majesty?

OK, we may or may not actually call our cat “Your Majesty,” but make no mistake – they think of themselves as royalty and we definitely treat them accordingly. If your motto is “What the cat wants, the cat gets!”… then you’re owned.

You’re Well Trained

When your cat comes into your bedroom or home office to meow at you that it’s high time for their noms and you’d better snap to it (you sloth!), do you ignore them and keep doing what you’re doing? Not likely. If food appears in their bowl mere minutes after your cat has announced his hunger loud and clear… you are owned.

Do Not Disturb

One of the sure signs you are owned by your cat is that you will go to great lengths not to move them when they’re sleeping. It there’s a slumbering cat on your computer chair, you either find another one or you gently push the chair away from your computer and type on your knees. If there’s a catnap happening on your lap when nature calls, and you “hold it” rather than moving them …you’re owned, without a doubt.

Leg Paralysis

When your cat’s been lounging on your legs so long that your limbs start to tingle and fall asleep, but you just stare wistfully at the comfy cat and wish you could get up to jump start your circulation? Owned!

Picture This!

When you catch your cat doing something naughty – for example, eating your roast beast that was cooling on the stove for a few minutes before dinner time – and instead of reprimanding them and making them get down, you run to get your camera so you can post their adorable misdeed on Facebook. Oh yeah, you’re owned.

Cat Hair as Accessory

If you leave the house wearing a black shirt or black pants, and you glance down to see that it’s quite obviously covered in cat hair, but you just shrug and say to yourself (or anyone who happens to notice), “I have a cat, what do you expect?” You, my cat loving friend, are owned!

“It” Can Wait

If you put off doing laundry because your cat has chosen the hamper as his latest sleeping spot, or you forego vacuuming because the suck monster scares the cat, or you can’t finish changing your sheets because your cat wants to “help” by flopping down right in the middle of the bed… owned!

Bed Hog

If your kitty commandeers your pillow, or if your bed space is relegated to the far corner of the mattress while your octopus – I mean, your cat – takes his half out of the middle, you’re so totally owned.

Cat Toy Overload

Catnip mice, crinkle balls and kick-a-roos are strewn all over the floor in every room, and there’s a giant tub full of new cat toys that have never been played with, but every time you dash into the pet store just to grab their CANIDAE food, you can’t stop yourself from buying more cat toys because, let’s face it … you’re owned.

These nine signs that your cat owns you are not the only ones, not by a long shot. There are so many other indicators that you’re smitten by your kitten, but I think I’ve made my point so I’ll stop here. Just one last question though – isn’t life grand when you’re owned by a cat?

Read more articles by Julia Williams

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